


we started with thirteen

by whoreizers



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, College, Denial of Feelings, Emotionally Repressed, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, High School, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Monet's (13 Reasons Why (TV)), Musical Instruments, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, School Shootings, Slightly - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, You know what I mean, but that weird 13rw school shooting, mentioned court case, there is probably a fight somewhere in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:08:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoreizers/pseuds/whoreizers
Summary: how alex and zach story progresses beyond thirteen reasons why, except there are slight changes along the way, only one key plot point is changed and it’s about season three.alex and zach met during their sophomore year of high school, they shared courses and shared friends but they weren’t that close in the beginning. their story truely began after what alex hoped would be the end.
Relationships: Hannah Baker/Zach Dempsey, Jessica Davis/Alex Standall, Jessica Davis/Justin Foley, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall, past - Relationship
Kudos: 6





	we started with thirteen

**Author's Note:**

> ahh! it’s finally released, i’ll put out chapters when i can but it definitely won’t be everyday, sorry. 
> 
> big shoutouts to ama for pressuring me to release this. 
> 
> massive trigger warnings for this chapter, it’s set during season one and this is one of the shortest chapters that i will be releasing. 
> 
> trigger warnings include - suicidal thoughts, mentions of panic attacks and slight mention of vomit.

alex met hannah baker at the beginning of their sophomore year in a café that would become their safe haven for the following month and a half they were close. the mismatched furniture always felt like home and the abstractly artistic paintings made it feel like home; the paintings were like what your parents hung on the refrigerator when you were younger, everything you made was an accomplishment and it was good enough. 

along with hannah he met jessica davis, their small duo they had formed as the new kids before alex came along expanded to a trio. the induction period was a simple question with a very broad array of answers, “what do you see in that painting?” 

alex furrowed his eyebrows at the two girls looking at him expectantly, he looked at the abstract mix of purples and greens, the mostly human-shaped figure in orange standing out amongst the dull colors surrounding it. he looked at them again before answering, “a giant bleeding man....or squid? a man-squid?” 

hannah and jessica looked at each other like they were sizing him up for a moment before hannah cut in, “good enough, you’re in.” 

“uhhh thanks..? what am i in exactly?” 

jessica looked at him with exasperation, “if you have to ask you don’t know.” 

he blinked at her and hummed awkwardly, the moment of silence passed and then the duo became a trio. they bonded over the coming weeks of school, hanging out a monet’s and at whoever’s house they could, they were inseparable for the time, as short as it was.

slowly the school year which hit full swing sometime near the end of august hit their friendship, taking him out of the equation. he started hanging out with the guys, evading the weird looks people would send him in the hall; when he was with the boys he was invincible for the time-being. he, jessica, and hannah were still civil but it wasn’t enough. they all knew the close friendship they had was over. eventually the tides had turned, he and jessica were a pair, a couple, and hannah was alone. 

obviously hannah wasn’t fully alone, not then at least, she was dating justin until that imploded on itself. she was outed as a whore and he was revered for taking photos of the hannah baker, hard to get hannah, but according to justin she was easy.

everyone believed her, even jessica, their relationship started to whittle down into abstract shards, no pieces fitting together right. it was mainly his fault, he shouldn’t have pressured her or hurt her. they didn’t fit together in hindsight, but jess blamed hannah for their break up. he noticed from the tension in the halls as the two passed. what was once warm smiles was competitive glares at most and subtle side eyes at most, at least from jess’ side. all he saw from hannah was her eye averted from any eye contact. 

he shattered his relationship with jess and hannah even further by making that stupid list, the hot and not list. he put hannah down as first because he knew it would hurt jess, he knew. what he didn’t know was the way he would be opening hannah up to verbal attacks and sexual assault. he couldn’t have predicted it. 

the next plummet her relationship took was in late spring when a photo of her spread around the school, it was her kissing a girl. it tarnished her reputation even further, the already loud whispers became open talking when she was within earshot. the decline was gradual, her former posture broken down. she looked broken down by this point. 

courtney was the true person who outed hannah as the kisser, running away from her own truth, but he guesses every scared high schooler does that. they hide their tails like scared puppies once someone thinks for a moment they deviate from the status quo put in place by who knows who. school is war and there can be no outliers in war. 

he heard around that marcus cole had tried to be with hannah, maybe try to brighten her spirit but in reality he was like every other douchebag that had tried to use her long before. he was forceful and mean, he didn’t want to hear anymore after all of this. 

her next reason was subtle, he only found out because of the tapes that she would send out in october. zach dempsey, he broke her spirit in her own words, he stole the one thing that was making her happy at the time. the stupid notes around valentines day, mostly stupid lovey dovey shit that felt pointless in the long run, but maybe it meant more than he thought. 

the school paper was a thing, and if there was one thing ryan shaver was good at it was drawing attention to the poems section. it was read aloud in the middle of class, a dreary tale of suicidal ideation and not fitting in. people called it “fake,” they called it “attention seeking.” they didn’t understand it. 

another tape ready moment was justin foley, he didn’t think he would hear that name again on the tapes, but what he heard haunted him. bryce walker, the guy who allowed him to join their group, boosting his own personal popularity and making his escape an easy way out, was a rapist. he wouldn’t say he was shocked, but he was shocked to hear that hannah and justin just sat there and did nothing as jess was abused by that monster. he had to take a breather, all of this was getting to his head. 

sheri holland, an unexpected reason, but a reason nonetheless, she killed jeff atkins by driving past a stop sign. it was a hit and run, he was killed because of the collision. hannah must have felt that weigh on her for so long, he couldn’t imagine. he had to take another quick break, his vision was cloudy with unshed tear. he rubbed his eyes roughly and trekked on. 

the next tape was pointless, even in hannah’s own opinion, she wanted him to hear her reasons, not because he was one, no. but because she gave him a reason to stay and she let herself push him away, she blamed herself more than she ever blamed clay jensen. 

bryce walker, the scumbag’s name appeared again and alex had to hold himself back from crying, he didn’t know if it was out of rage or something else. he heard in graphic detail the crime bryce committed, bile started to rise in his throat as he heard it. he had to stop this tape, so he did. it broke hannah’s soul and he felt himself slowly breaking as well. 

kevin porter, the guidance counselor, a man he would have never expected to be in the tapes detailing hannah’s reasons to commit suicide. she was begging for help, like a person desperately grasping for whatever they can to stop theirself from falling. at this choked sobs left his throat as a wave of emotion washed over him. he closed out the tapes, listening to his own heavy breathing. he let his head slam against his desk as he let out a deep sigh remembering everything he could from the months that lead up to the peak, her own demise played out for every sick person on those tapes and roaming the halls at liberty high school. 

he noticed her head slumped further down than he ever saw it the coming month, as her last october approached. she spoke to no one until a few days before, she walked out of the guidance counselors office a slight smile on her face, that was her giving it one last shot. he realized too late, that was her last hurrah before the date hit. october 9th, 2017, he found out the next morning while in school, he felt a part of him flickering out as he found out the news. his aloof act dropping for a moment to feel real pain for his former friend. they found out about the method soon after and his head swam, no great moment of clarity came for months after that. 

the tapes went along to each person as scheduled, everyone taking different amounts of time to finish them. tension grew among the people who had heard her own words from her mouth. jess became cruel, she denied hannah’s words the most fiercely. they knew things would get even worse when clay got the tapes. he knows that sheri tried to hold the tapes as long as she could, the only thing holding them back was tony padilla, they knew he was always watching their every move. 

clay jensen wanted us to feel bad, he wanted to understand how we could do what we did. he wanted to get her justice, but we were all too selfish to let that happen. they didn’t want their wrongdoings to come out, as each fight escalated, he felt his own mental health declining. he blamed himself for hannah’s death more than anyone, he opened her up for harassment. he knew that, but he didn’t know what to do. 

nothing can get hannah back, he said as much, everytime clay was picketing for justice, everytime clay made a scene or jess made a scene. he reminded them that hannah wouldn’t come back and that it was their fault whether they liked it or not. 

his sleep kept getting worse throughout this period, all he could do was go about his days acting like everything was fine when in reality his mind was running loops of things he could have done differently. he played video games and drank with the people who assisted him in killing hannah baker. 

they just thought it blew up when he tried to drown himself in bryce’s pool on one of their regular drinking and gaming sessions. he kept himself head down until he was pulled out and being called a dumbass. he just felt satisfied he got that far, he wasn’t taking everything building on him well and he knew that, but every horrible thing he put himself through the less it hurt for a short time. 

everything came to a head one day, he doesn’t know what brought it on other than the guilt building onto him like one hundred pound bricks, but each one represents the same fact. he killed hannah baker. 

“what? they think these are gonna save someone’s life? ‘suicide’s not an option.’ yeah, you know what clearly it is an option! why don’t they put up a sign that says don’t be a fucking dick to people!’” he growled in clay’s face, each one of his past snide remarks playing in his head as he started to make his choice. 

he lock the door to the bathroom and never looked back.

“alex standall tried to commit suicide yesterday.”


End file.
